Happiness is a Decision

We will be moving out of the house we are now living in 10 days from now and I woke up almost in tears this morning.  This happened to me the last morning I was living in Jamaica: I literally woke up crying and sobbing in fear, sadness, and anxiety.  Today wasn't as intense, but my level of frustration, fear, and anxiety finally let itself be known.  I love my calm, rational, patient husband who walks through this time with me, but feel sorry for him because he is taking more of the storm than any other one person in my life has had to take before (even more than my overused-but-very-helpful mother, who has lived through every move I've made).

I read astrology for fun, for hope, for reassurance even; I know that it is fallible, but so are all sciences to a certain extent (mind you, I am a social scientist, but remain critical of people ever thinking that anything is absolute truth).  When Rob and I got married, I read many of the astrology websites that talk about the love connection between the two of us - and I laughed!  So much of it says that I, as a Cancer, will not like change and will always be happiest in my shell - safe at home with very few surprises.  Rob and I are not supposed to be a good (or easy, at least) match because his Sagittarius sign leads him to adventure and exploration, always on the move and wanting to see more.  The reason I laugh is because I am the one who has lived abroad and I am the one who has a degree in anthropology, leading me to want to explore as many cultures as we can during this lifetime!

Just like riding a bike...

When I was four, my dad tried to teach me how to ride a bike in the best way a balls-to-the-wall dad of the 1980s knew how to: no training wheels, no helmet, and on a caliche road. This was not the first attempt in this endeavor, but it was to be the last one for roughly two decades. You see, I was a scared and shy little kid; I didn't like meeting new people (they scared me) and I didn't like things that scared or hurt me (they scared AND hurt me). Dad grabbed the back of my bicycle to help balance me, then told me to start peddling and he would keep up with me.

There was this brief moment when I felt the wind in my hair and the zipping joy that runs through your body when you learn something new. I was SO excited to be riding a bike!!! I wanted to share this excitement with the most awesome Daddy ever and so turned around to smile at him and get his encouraging smile back.

One Person's Food Pantry Experience

I got my first job when I was 15-years-old - that is, my first report-to-the-IRS job.  As a kid, I babysat a little (not enough to be a part of a Babysitters' Club or anything, though I loved those books!) and I always had money because I was a very good saver: I could sit on two years' worth of Christmas and birthday money if I really wanted something.  When I started working, I loved making my own money for two reasons: 1) I didn't have to ask for it and could spend it on whatever I wanted to without explanation (so, "freedom", I suppose) and 2) I knew my mom didn't have a lot of money and I didn't want to be a burden on her when it came to the "frivolous" stuff.  I spent over a year working as one of the best order-taking, register-running, salad-bar-cleaning teenagers that Sizzler's had ever seen!  Since then, the only year I have gone without working was my freshman year of college when my parents told me that my "job" was to adjust to being a college student.  (Note: I really love and appreciate my parents for that boost because I don't think college would have been completed if I had had more to focus on that first year.)

However, I was ready to be working by the end of that year, to be supporting myself - or at least fending for myself when I wanted a burger and a pack of cigarettes (so happy to be done with that expense!).  Sometime in my junior year, my dad had to give me the "patience, Grasshopper" talk when all I could think about was getting out of school and helping people, actually doing something to assist instead of being stuck in a classroom learning how to help people.  I learn through hands-on and discussion; I was just antsy to be "in the trenches" and see the difference I could make for someone.