What the human doesn't know...

I have decided that The Human can't be trusted to tell the full story of how us, The Rulers (known to some of you as "cats" - gross!), are taking this transition.  So, while I suffocate the human as she sleeps, I know I have her knocked out long enough to let you know how life is for me, Madam Curious (or, as The Human so grotesquely calls me, "Lil' MC"), and my brother, Baron von Munchhaussen (like he has earned a title - whatever!).  Since our lives have been relatively short, I suppose I can do the condensed version of our lives.

We were born to these humans with two others, then said goodbye to them and our mom when we were about 11 weeks old; we were happy to get to keep one another, but with all five of us in one house, it was getting a little crowded.  I mean, seriously, how is a girl supposed to rule her humans when her mother is always around trying to do the same?!  So, it feels a little more balanced this way: we each get to dominate our own human (though I am better at it with both of The Humans).  Soon after we said goodbye to the others in our four-legged family, we said goodbye to two other things: disease and reproduction!  Thanks to the Metroplex Animal Coalition (MAC) and SPCA, we were cut and jabbed with needles but The Broke A$$ Humans didn't have to pay for it!

He's on my human!

After a hot summer of dying in our fur coats every time we went outside, The Humans moved us to a house that was not ours - it was some dog's house!  Can you imagine how GROSS that was?!  We were forced to live with this energetic, playful, fluffy DOG for - like - 90 meals!!!  (Baron is trying to tell me that he hears the word "days" thrown around by you human-types; I have no idea what he's talking about because I don't dare get myself dirty with your language.)  However, one up side of it was that Leelu (the Human that birthed my Female Human) fed us the good meaty food every meal instead of every seventh meal!  Usually, we just get the dry, crunchy wanna-be food for six whole meals before we get the good stuff... Note to self: suffocate Human until convince Humans we need meat all the time...

Now, up to this point, living with a *gag* dog was the weirdest thing that had happened to us!  But, then, the harnesses came.  Now, we were OK with those collars The Humans were so proud of - it took some time, but I liked prancing around listening to the tinkle of my bell.  I looked so pretty in it!  BUT, these things are horrible!  They wrap around not only my neck, but under my ... ummm ... how do I say "armpit" delicately?  I mean, really, WHAT is this all about anyway?!?!  AND, no matter how many times I tell The Humans I don't like it by taking it off, they just keep putting it on again!  They're so determined to make me miserable!  At least I got to keep the pink: it really does bring out my cute pink nose and lips... I'm just saying!

Finally, there came a day when The Humans put all of their stuff into the weird, loud machine that takes us from one place to another.  I think we were in it forever.  I yelled at them for at least two hours that it was so very unnatural what we were doing - nothing should be this loud or this fast!  There's no way we could catch any food this way; we were passing it all!  Eventually, I decided I wasn't doing any good: they weren't listening to me, Baron had given up only an hour into it and was sleeping (he's SO lazy!), so I just went to sleep.  When they finally stopped the loud, fast beast (again, Baron says it's a "car") for the last time, we were in a much smaller surrounding, one that has birds and fish around all the time!  I claimed my castle very quickly...

Since that day, there has only been one day that was not-so-pleasant: the day The Humans made our house move and bounce through the water.  At first, we liked being up in the daylight, seeing the things move, but then it just seemed scary.  So, I went inside and felt the moving of the house, up and down, up and down... it made my stomach so uncomfortable, I did the most unladylike thing: for the first time in my life, all the food I had eaten came shooting out my month!  It was so, oh, just humiliating... until Baron did it too - then, it was just hilarious!!!  Of course, Baron has done some things that make me smile that it happened to him and not me - like the day he figured out that we are - apparently - surrounded by that wet stuff The Humans have tortured us with when we had fleas.  That made me laugh SO hard!

Look for it...

All in all, I can't complain about too much; every day, I get to: bask in the sun, chase bugs and lizards, climb trees (for now - I get the feeling this new house may be leaving trees behind soon), eat, and nap where ever I see fit.  I - of course - do complain; I mean, what would my purpose be if I didn't yell at my Humans every now and again.  They're so cute when they look at me all confused because I really do already have everything I need and they think I need something else...  Ah, life is good.  If only I could get The Humans to leave that waterfall in the bathroom on all the time.  Hmm, guess I need to bump up the yelling a notch!

As for Baron, I think he likes his life pretty well, too: he does essentially the same things all day, but he sleeps SO much more than I do because he is SO much lazier than I am!  I am chasing things all day and so far, he has only caught one lizard - lazy!  Other than sleeping, he likes to watch the fish and the birds that come around for the fishermen's cleaning duties.


All these wonderful times on our own is nothing compared to the way we end and begin almost every meal cycle ("day", right?): sleeping on The Humans and getting the warm, fuzzy feelings that come from knowing we have them under our full and complete control.  I hear that, soon, we are getting our very own netting!  Apparently, The Humans are going to surround the outside of my our domicile with a netting so that I never have to make the mistake Baron made and get into the wet stuff!  Yep, they are our's and we have them completely under our control...  I hear we won: they are taking us to the region of endless fish!

Oh, just so you know, I feel I have to make sure to let you know that, though we are supposed to be, we are not really that prejudice: we eventually learned that the dog - gross! - wasn't all bad... But, because I am writing this instead of Lazy Baron, I am the one who gets to choose the picture which proves this, so: